Happy Hour ... and Me

Last evening I had  few meetings to attend around dinner time.  I usually try not to work that time of the day because it really confuses my kid. It's our play time you see. Nevertheless, it was one of those unavoidable days. I was deep into a conversation with  colleagues from across the globe on how best we could mitigate risks for particularly challenging services that we were getting into. We were almost concluding, when my 16 month old aimlessly strolls in.  He casually comes near my table and starts his high decibel protest cry for me to pick him up and in the bargain obviously disrupts the discussion. I apologize for the ruckus and quickly put my line on mute, lift him and hand him over to his care taker.  It annoys him because he was looking forward to hitting my laptop keypad and pulling out a few keys under the guise of hanging out with me. He is now howling!! The mother in me feels sad until the brain switches back to risk mitigation mode.  The meet

When I was growing up and especially in my teens I recall my parents telling me not to get influenced by what my friends did. I should have a mind of my own and decide what's right and what's not. That's where I drew the first line. And then on the list of such lines and boundaries continues. You need boundaries, between you and the rest of the world. Boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence you in. They fence you into a framework that's acceptable to you. According to me, the most important and complicated boundaries are the ones you draw at work. So you create your boundaries and hope that no one crosses those. However life has a funny sense of  humor and at an unguarded silent moment someone breaks the lines and crosses over the boundaries. Now, there's a decision to make, do I want to rebuild that boundary again or explore life by crossing over. Some are way too dangerous to cross and can turn life into a mess. But I wonder when has life not b

There are some who say the glass is half empty and some see it as glass half full. Now a new school of thought says the glass is completely full.. Half with air half with water. If you ask me..who the hell cares if the glass has air or water or if it's half full or half empty. What matters to me is the glass is never empty. Life always gives you reasons to be grateful and blessed. It will never be the case that life doesn't have water or air in it. Sometimes the water might  be drowsing is or the air stinks.. But We can be glad that life has some air or some water but never empty

When I look at the lives that most of my friends, family and coworkers lead including me, I honestly feel we have things in life that are enough to make us happy. We have is what it takes. But yet when it comes to complaining we won't be stingy. When it comes to seeking for more there isn't a brake peddle. The threshold for wants or desires is a floating one and each time you reach the mark, the threshold level simply resets itself. This is both a good and bad thing purely depending upon what you seek. It can terrible, complex and highly messy in matters of heart. Well, there should be a barometer for desires especially for what the heart seeks. Which will indicate that the glass is full. And freeze this line of desire. But we live in a world of more. More money. More tequila. More love. More of anything as more is better. Sometimes all we want is taste, a preview. But soon it drags itself to being addiction and resets threshold and then ultimately all we want is more 4

When I first heard that ignorance is bliss, I quickly judged that it's a sophisticated excuse for being weak. It's just a nice way to avoid standing up and facing truth and the situation as it is today. But as we progress with living every single day, we actually  increasingly adopt ignorance. Sometimes we just refuse to accept what our heart truly feels . it may be because it's some feelings are wrong and can potentially create havoc into what appears a sorted situation. Or it could also because things aren't in your control. so you just let it pass n ignore it n live in denial of the existence of feelings. We do this so long as we can and all along maintain a poker face that shows nothing within. Silence I know realize isn't a sign of a  weakened soul... But someone who knows when to strike and when to stay put. There is such a truth that makes me respect and love my parents beyond levels that I can comprehend. May or June 2013

Little Rayaansh just got vaccinated and the doctor had given me a heads up on the discomfort that was to follow. I was ready with meds and things to do in order to comfort him. And from my earlier experiences I felt more confident to help my little boy through these next day. The following day we had monthly thanksgiving ceremony, so I offered a prayer and took off. He did well most of the ceremony but at the end the pain seemed to have kicked in and he yelled his guts out but within minutes of giving the meds, I had him calm and smiling in my arms. But something happened that night which will stay with me for a long long time to come. I was getting ready for bed and was in the shower while Mihir was playing with him. All seemed to be going well as I was hearing happy giggles. After few minutes Rayaansh started his fake cry  ( yes I had categorized his cries as well). I didn't bother much as I knew his daddy knew what to do. He'll sleep off in sometime or so I thought.

I can see you fidget in the cradle from the across hall when I am doing my best to swallow my break fast. (Swallow.. Yes .. eating chewing etc can wait till I can recall what relishing food means). I can hear you grumble and cry in your clear loud, no very loud voice. Just then I manage to shove the last morsel of upma in, and I dash across to start moving your cradle. You immediately stop grumbling and give me a faint smile. Within minutes you are asleep and this time I didn't even touch you. May be it's my voice and as some research articles say my smell.. Awww. Then a fear hits me. In about 2 months time, I'll resume back work. What then? I wish you get comforted and this transition is easy for you. I know you are a rock star and you'll do a super job. But will you forget me? Will my voice and touch still sooth you? Well if not now, but in a few years you'll be all grown up ,  pretty much  managing things yourself and may be even advising me. Even then

6th July 2015 This Saturday morning Rayaansh my 1 year old was in the middle of his “waking up” process. We have a morning drill where usually he’ll wake up disoriented and while he tries to establish his co-ordinates,I’ll ask him if he stretched? His face will brighten into a faint smile and he’ll give a lazy stretch. Then based on how hungry he feels the crying routine will follow. I then ask him about his dreams while I kiss and caress him. Some days he begins to fill me on his dreams in a language I wish I could comprehend while the rest will be spent on inspecting the eco-system. It’s our happy mornings. So this morning, he is having an animated conversation with me when my FIL walks towards my room calling out my son’s name. My FIL had just returned that morning from a 2 week long business trip. Instantly I see Rayaansh stops his stories and his smile just vanishes. I was surprised, as I had expected him to be excited on seeing his grandfather. With an urgency, he

The much delayed blog is up and once again it’s a book review. There is so much happening in life like being a rookie mom, the joy of watching your child grow up and master a new activity each day, working with the same efficiency and finding answers to what next on career front. In between these hussle bussle sometimes, in order to switch off I need a book to take me into a parallel world where I don’t need to take play any active role but just be a silent spectator.This time it was Ramayana –Game of life -Book 2 Shattered Dreams Happy Reading. In any story there is an epic moment, which twists the course of the story, the character sketches and the series of events that follow.Had that event not occurred, the story which followed wouldn’t have taken place. One such moment in Ramayana is the time when Rama gets banished for a 14 year long exile by his step mom. Had he not been banished, he might have not crossed paths with Ravana and the mighty may not have been defeated.